Mitt Romney isn't the "adult in the room," he's the petulant child in a dirty diaper...
He needs a nap.
Seriously, I’ve exhausted pejoratives to describe this clown. He’s like that third ballpark hotdog (the one with the Chinese mustard), at 4:00 a.m.—he COMES BACK, never goes away... You want him to go away, but he doesn’t, he festers, hangs around, and every time he pops up, you know (deep inside) there’s a Smug Wing in the hottest section of Hell.
Indeed, last Sunday, Chris Wallace, the Voice of Hell, had him on to drip sanctimony, ooze contempt, and blur the line between “news” and comedy—inane talking-points; preposterous accusations; Trump-derangement… So earnest. Romney has made made temper-tantrum an art form, tricking sheep into braying “statesman” whenever he soils himself on the air.
But that look, check him out… Is that a confident look? A convicted one? Is he… irregular?
Hard to say… But he missed his calling—that isn’t statesmanship, it isn’t even treachery, it’s PERFORMANCE ART… One can’t assess Mittens, the oleaginous demeanor, the deadpan voice, without acknowledging comedic currents. That there’s a STRAIGHT MAN… He’s the new Bud Abbott. If you saved your keyboard—well done.
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But why do it? Why slam a serial narcissist adept at calling those he despises what he is?
Because Mitt in MAGA gear, strapped to a gurney until he screams “Stop the STEAL” will halve the debt… Waterboard him. Raise money. Five minutes of the boob is worth five buckets - at least - and the program will self-fund.
So yes, I demand Congress ACT - act NOW - and initiate a program wherein enrollees - including residents of Honduras, Guatemala, El Salvador, and Bikini - can waterboard Willard and, for an additional cost, add Lindsey Graham, Ben Sasse, and/or Susan Collins, with proceeds targeting the debt.
Would you enroll?
I would. Any person who loves America and “Hee-Haw” reruns will pay to waterboard pernicious liars.
But go farther—whenever Mitt says “incite,” “impeach,” “insurrection” (any Trump-deranged drivel) zap him. For instance, following the Capitol riot, Mitt, on a hot-take frenzy, said, quote: “We gather now due to a selfish man’s injured pride… What happened today was an insurr—”
ZAP!!
“The president inci—”
ZAP!!
A dream come true.
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But I digress. The point, the one I desire to make, is that he’s such a jerk, such a clown, that to bash him is solemn duty. Thus, one of my favorite pictures - and, frankly, one that if Madison were alive he would hang - is of Mitt and Trump dining, breaking bread, Mitt’s attempt to weasel into PRESIDENT Trump’s cabinet (he tried… LOL… to be Secretary of State) so obvious that Trump, with verve, seems to have sautéed Mitt’s gonads.
And the best part? Mitt’s face—the man KNOWS... Forget the Smug Wing of Hell, if there’s a Groveling Hall of Fame, Suckup is first ballot. It’s worth 1000, maybe 10,000, words, for it’s the image of Mitt Complete, the ENTIRE man—though certainly one we mock.
A man in name only.
The “man” we call Mittens… His legacy.
~ Greg Halvorson
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